Getting old is hard. Here’s how to talk to your parents
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your family is also the hardest. That’s especially true when it comes to talking to your parents about aging.
It’s easy to understand why, too. Discussions about aging have motivated parent – child motivation, because parents cannot take care of themselves and rely heavily on others to complete household chores and mental tasks, such as managing money.
Historically, older generations avoided discussing important topics like money with their children. And in many households, that is still the norm. More than half of the respondents to the Fidelity Investment Survey said their parents never discussed money with them.
However, like going to the dentist, discussions about aging and financial planning are important for your parents’ long-term parenting. Here’s a guide to getting started.
What topics do you need to discuss with your parents?
Aging is a complex process. As from childhood through adolescence and adulthood, each stage of life comes with unique challenges. But as your parents age, there are special considerations that need to be taken into account, including the following:
Money
Do your parents have enough money and income to meet their needs? Do they work with a financial planner, and if so, what is the payment structure? You generally want to encourage your parents to work with editors and consultants who have a cash-only model and be aware of those who may receive a commission for the products they recommend. It doesn’t matter the financial structure, you wish that others are fiduciaries, which means they promise to do the best work for the client.) It is also wise to ask if they use tools such as benefits or returns? Although the costs of seniors are, on average, lower than other age conventions, the increased costs of things like medical expenses can unduly strain the budgets of older Americans.
Estate Planning
Do your parents work as estate planners? Do they have things like advanced directives, Wills, Living Wills and Powers of Attorney in place? At the very least, the National Institute of Aging recommends a self-care plan, which can help ensure your parents get the care they need if they become seriously ill and unable to communicate.
Life changing
Are your parents dealing with any medical conditions? How are they adapting to changing health needs? Are they showing signs of cognitive decline? According to the Department of Health and Human Services, 7 out of 10 seniors will need some assistance to help manage “activities of daily living” such as preparing meals, bathing, and using the bathroom. Long-term care insurance is an important consideration that should also be included in these discussions before your parents get too old. Experts say the best time to buy long-term care insurance is between the mid-50s and 60s. Your parents may be able to get a good plan after they hit their 70s, but deductibles increase with age, so they’ll pay more for it.
Everyday Life
Is it safe for your parents to drive? Can they take care of themselves, their pets and their home? Do they know how to avoid scams? Millions of elderly Americans are victims of some kind of scam — whether it’s a financial scam or any number of confidence schemes — every year. The FBI categorizes these victims into adult, including government impersonation scams, home improvement scams and tech support scams. One simple step to help prevent financial fraud is to ask your parents to add you, a sibling or another trusted family friend as an authorized user on their accounts so you can spot unauthorized behavior early.
Life arrangements
Do your parents want to get rid of the joke in the small house? Do they need to update their current home security if it plans to age in place? How do they feel about assisted living facilities? Home modifications – such as handrails, ladders and non-recessed floors – can make their homes safer.
End-of-Life Considerations
What do your parents want done with their remains? Do they have burial preferences? Are there financial arrangements in place? The National Median cost of a funeral with a viewing and burial is $8,300, according to the National Funeral Directors Association.
Tips for talking to your parents about aging
There is no blueprint for how conversations about aging should go with your parents. And that’s great – we’re all different, with our needs and wants, after all. That said, there is some general advice that experts recommend when dealing with such vexing topics. Keep these in mind as you discuss these topics with your parents.
Be empathetic and ask questions
Put yourself in their shoes. Talking about your disability and your disability is not something you like to think about, especially from someone you are used to changing. That, coupled with the generational divide and the miasma of financial wars and shame, and sometimes it’s surprising that our parents are willing to talk about it.
A good place to start is to ask questions. You can try to talk about things that you have noticed or that are in the news. For example, you can say that a friend is helping their parents move into an assisted living facility. Ask your parents if they ever thought they would like to live when they need more help.
This puts them in the driver’s seat with approval them Lead the conversation, rather than taking it back with your own thoughts and opinions. There is a time and place to speak your mind, but first, you need to establish a foundation for your parent’s feelings. You won’t always understand their point of view (and vice versa, by the way), but you can respect their wishes in your ways and homes.
Start early, small and often
Talking about aging shouldn’t just be “talk.” It’s an ongoing conversation, and the earlier you start, the better. Aging is not an absolute point in time, after all; Things change, and new conversations will always need to be had. Going all in at once in an experimental fashion is also amazing, especially if you’re trying a more empathetic approach.
Instead, you can include small pieces of broader conversation in your regular conversations. Bring up how you see things changing in their daily lives, and have aff ideas about the things your parents seem to be worried about. This also helps to have a normal conversation about sensitive things so it’s not just a big black box around a part of their lives that you’ll never discuss. It opens the door to simpler, more natural discussions of all other aspects of aging, too.
When possible, it’s good to include other family members, just for no reason and in a way that doesn’t make it seem like you’re all riding your parents at the same time. Taking care of your parents is a family affair, and making everyone in charge of ways to support your parents takes your responsibility, shows your parents how people care for them and ultimately builds a strong network.
Set yourself up for success
It’s best to discuss these topics when your parents are in a welcoming environment and in person if you can. Don’t wait to talk about it until it’s in trouble. At that time, like you – like you – they cannot process thoughts carefully, and it can appear as if you are dismissing your parents for their failure.
Try to focus on the pros and cons of extreme situations when discussing these topics with your parents, too. For example, rather than conveying how dangerous it is to live alone in a home full of potential dangers, you can explain the sense of relief the whole family will feel if they don’t have to worry about harming themselves. Consider emphasizing the positives, such as the sense of community and social activities found in private residences.
Take care of yourself, too
Your parents will not accept all your preferences when it comes to making decisions. They may not even be willing to talk about certain things at all, or they may be defensive when they do.
Before talking to your parents about getting old, you should be prepared and have a plan for how you will cope. Having parents who won’t listen to you – no matter how important you are – can be a huge source of anger, resentment and anxiety for many older children. But you cannot control other people; You can only control your response to the situation.
For some people, dealing with these challenges means working harder at thinking. (It’s a skill we can use in all areas of life, after all.) Don’t be afraid to seek out support groups, counseling or therapy if you need it. Take a break if you need to, and – carefully – if you persevere, you can help your parents live the rest of their lives in their golden years.
More from money:
How the ‘Bleved Inwey’ strategy can increase your retirement mobility
Will you need long-term care? Here’s what the math says
Should you use a mortgage to finance your retirement? Here’s what Sensec0ca918293a2 does
